call off the search for your soul (or put it on hold again)
by colorshow
Summary: Tris and Tobias grow up dauntless. alternate universe.


a/n: This is my first time writing for this fandom so I'm really excited about it (and crossing my fingers). This is a three part fic, I already have a lot of the second part written so hopefully an update won't be too far away depending on the reception (wink wink). This story is alternate universe and takes place if Tobias and Tris grew up in Dauntless and how it would affect them.

Rated M, there is a sex scene (not graphic) in this chapter if that thing is a trigger for you.

Let me know what you think, reviews are amazing motivators. My tumblr is jonsnowless if you want to chat sometime.

Disclaimer: Divergent is not mine. Title comes from No1 Party Rock Anthem by Arctic Monkeys.

* * *

**part one**

**the beginning**

* * *

The first time Tris Prior _really_ meets Tobias Eaton is outside the Dauntless compound. Her legs swinging in the air on the swing set located outside the compound for the children. That's what Tris is after all, a child, she is only six. Six and a half (she always tells her parents that it makes a difference).

So maybe, technically, it's after dark, but what does that matter? She's six and a half, that's a big number.

"What are you doing out here?" a voice that doesn't sound very old, calls out. Tris quickly jumps down from the swing, landing nimbly on her feet.

Her eyes dart around the scene until she sees the older boy standing in front of her. It's Marcus Eaton's son, their fathers are friends. It's obvious in the resemblance; they have met before as well, just never talked without their families near. He's not exactly ugly, with his dark brown hair that falls over his eyes and deep blue eyes, but he's a boy, even if he isn't ugly. "The real question is what _you're_ doing here." Tris retorts rolling her eyes. He may be two years older than her, but she isn't scared of him.

The boy scoffs "No, it really isn't. You're kind of young to be rebelling. But I won't tell. Partially because your father will tell mine but that's not really important, I'm Tobias, you're Tris right?" he asks with a genuine curiosity.

Tris thinks Tobias isn't so bad after all "Yes, I am." She answers smiling. "Now I dare you to swing higher than me." She challenges, putting her hands on her hips.

A warmth envelopes her chest when he agrees. And when they both sneak back home after launching themselves from the swings again and again, it's with promises to see each other soon.

* * *

It isn't long before his friends become hers, and the other way around, he becomes a fixture in her life over the next four years. Tris tells him this one day and Tobias smiles in response "Are you glad we're friends?" he asks, rubbing his palms against his pants. She smiles "Of course, why wouldn't I be? " she responds, it's such a silly question. "Our parents are happy too." She adds, it sounds insignificant, but it's much easier for them to see each other. Her parents adore Tobias, and his adore her. It works.

Glancing at him she hesitates "Are you glad I'm your best friend?" she teases, knocking her knees with his, watching the small shy smile spread across his face. Tobias has never been as outgoing as her, he has a quiet strength that everyone admires, even at his young age. He isn't ever quiet around her though. Tris likes that, that he acts different around her (in a good way of course).

They are at the bottom of the chasm, sitting on the rocks, and her hair blows wildly from a wind coming from somewhere she doesn't know. Reaching his hand over Tobias pushes the hair behind her ears and away from her face. "Tris, can I be your first kiss?" he asks, it sounds like he's pleading and giving a confession at the same time.

It's almost like she's watching herself nod because he comes closer, closer, and there's a faint pressure against her lips. The kiss is short, their noses bump together, and Tris isn't sure how to move her lips. It's sweet and it makes her toes curl, she doesn't know if she wants it to end.

But as Tobias pulls the small smile that crosses his face tells her it was perfect for the both of them.

If the wind could read her thoughts the soft echo would be heard across the chasm, she doesn't want to be just his first kiss, she wants to be his last.

* * *

Marlene is the first person she tells one night when the two are sprawled across her bed. The thought has been weighing on Tris's mind all night because she has to tell her best friend after all, but how?

"I kissed Tobias." Tris says nonchalantly while Marlene blows on her freshly painted nails. The other girl startles looking at Tris in shock, shrugging a second later. "You aren't surprised?" Tris questions, Marlene raises an eyebrow at her. "No, you two are practically inseparable, it was bound to happen." She answers, pausing "Be careful though, he is older than you, and I know Tobias wouldn't hurt you but remember that."

Tris knows that, knows that it might be the reason Tobias will never see her as more than his little friend

The conversation ends and Tris tries not to feel achy and disappointed that her friend wasn't excited for her . A silence passes between them and Marlene continues to paint her nails when Tris states again "You aren't surprised at all! This is big Mar, it's supposed to be, I don't know, a bigger deal!"

Tris tries not to look too disappointed and Marlene blushes slightly at her words. "It is Tris, I'm just a little jealous" she says so quietly Tris almost doesn't hear it. "Everyone knows you and Tobias are I don't know, something, even your parents! I just want that too, I'm sorry I should have been more supportive…"

"No, no! It's okay Mar, I've been selfish." Tris says, pausing before pressing a kiss to Marlene's cheek.

The other girl smiles and that's where the conversation ends.

* * *

Their friendship (or more than friendship) continues, much to their parents delight, and not to her brother's.

"But Tris, why don't you spend time with me anymore?" Caleb asks, and Tris pursues he lips in response because he's so needy. Although she loves her brother, she knows he won't be Dauntless forever, he's too smart, and lacks the fearlessness she thinks she has, and she knows her friends like Lynn and Tobias definitely have. "We have to have other friends, Caleb." She sighs, continuing "It's nothing personal, why don't you spend more time with Lucas, you two are close right?"

Caleb squints his eyes, shaking his head at her "That's not what it is Tris and you know it." Tris knows he's right, but she doesn't want to admit anything she doesn't have to.

She never should have told Caleb she kissed Tobias anyways.

* * *

"Are we going to talk about the kiss?"

It's a topic neither of them have been exactly eager to talk about. It surprises her that Tobias was the first to bring it up. But a year is an awful long time not to talk about a kiss.

Tris sighs, she knows where the conversation is going, "You think I'm too young, I know."

Rubbing his forehead Tobias looks shyly at her "Let's wait okay? And just agree not to see anyone else okay?"

It's better than nothing, and Tris will take it so she smiles and nods, but it still hurts. Tris can feel her eyes on her as she looks away, he cares, she cares, and her parents (or her) don't give a damn about the age difference.

Turning around to face him she brings his face down to hers, he has gotten even taller than her, and she hasn't grown at all. Honestly she likes the height difference. He doesn't pull away and she smiles an almost feral smile pressing her lips against his.

He presses her against the wall of the hallway of the training compound, his tongue finding its way into her mouth, their lips eagerly exploring each other. They've never been good about talking. Tobias is stupid and it's time he realizes it.

Pulling away from him she shakes her head at him in annoyance "Fuck you" she mutters against his lips "I'm not waiting."

Tobias looks dazed as she walks away from him. "Tris, wait."

She turns, and he nods, they're done waiting. They've been waiting long enough. It doesn't mean he wasn't a dumbass though. He's only got three months left as an initiate and she intends for them to make the most of it.

* * *

Spirits and nerves run high the night before the choosing ceremony among the youngest Dauntless, Tris has always known that. Luckily, it's not her who is making her decision tonight. But it didn't stop her from tagging along to the huge party that is thrown every year the night before the choosing ceremony for the Dauntless who have to attend the choosing ceremony tomorrow.

Plus, Tobias is choosing tomorrow, and well, that scares her.

"You nervous?" she asks quietly, seriously. He looks at her for a second, contemplating his answer before he gives her a smirk "Dauntless don't get nervous."

Tris shrugs wrinkling her nose as she looks at her hands "Well, if you are you can tell me. I don't want to have to worry about saying goodbye." She reprimands him, her voice hushed.

But Tobias shakes his head, "I'm not leaving you."

Pulling him along she nods at him "Good. Regardless, I still expect a goodbye, a proper one."

He quirks an eyebrow at her, his smile stretches across his face and even though he says nothing to her he's speaking a thousand words.

The two enter the party and are greeted by Zeke, who eagerly claps Tobias on the back. "Ready to say goodbye to our childhood?" He hoots loudly, even if it is directed at Tobias it seems like everyone hears the words and starts to cheer.

Serious as always Tobias responds with a resolute "Hell yes, Finally."

"Ah look you brought Tris along." Zeke snorts, "Not that I don't love you Tris, he's just such a big softie around you." Zeke teases, causing Tobias to blush and smack Zeke on the arm.

She grins up at Tobias "I know."

Ignoring the grumbles from Tobias they head over to where the group is gathered.

It is Dauntless tradition to strive to overcome your fears, see if you are brave enough. And that's really all the game of truth or dare before the choosing ceremony is.

Marlene squeals when she sees Tris, obviously more than a little tipsy as she gives her a massive hug. "I was really worried you wouldn't show up, but now both of you can play!" she exclaims, her words sounding so childish it makes Tris laugh and Tobias give a small smile.

"Yes we can Mar. Maybe you should get some water and sober up a little, yeah?" Tris asks, grabbing her as she stumbles over her feet. Marlene just shrugs her off "Best if you got drunk too! And Tobias too, don't let him be such a fucking stiff!" she cackles.

"Just let her be, we should play already." Tobias whispers to Tris, his warm breath against his ear making her shiver.

Tris shrugs in response sitting down next to a girl a year older than her. Tobias sits next to her, and wraps his arm around her as well.

"Finally, Tobias decided to show up!" someone cheers, who appears to be running the game.

He simply rolls his eyes in response "Don't think I'm brave enough Rob, I'll prove you wrong." Tobias taunts, causing the boy Rob to smile maliciously before turning his focus to Tris.

"You brave enough too?" he asks, Tris smirks in response "What do you think, I'm some weakling of course I am." She says firmly.

"Fine." Rob says "I dare you two to fuck."

Tris looks surprised, but clenches her jaw, trying not to make contact with her twin brother Caleb who sits across the room.

"Dude, that's not cool. She's fourteen." Tobias tries, but Rob shakes his head "But you don't see her as a child do you? We all know she's not, unless you can't get over that fear. Fear of fucking the girl everyone already considers yours." Robb taunts, causing Tobias' face to turn red.

Trying to look anywhere but her brother Tris grabs his arm "It's fine, come on." She says leading him to a room and trying to swallow her fear as someone hands Tobias a condom. Locking the door behind them she sits on the bed.

"It's not that big of a deal, I'm almost fifteen, and Marlene has already fucked Uriah like, twenty times. Plus it's with you." Tris amends, causing Tobias to put his head in his hands. "But like this?" he groans.

"We're technically together Tobias. It could be worse, unless you don't want to." Tris says uncertainly, wringing her hands together.

Tobias shakes his head, kneeling in front of her "No it's not that, it'd never be that. If you haven't figured it out by now I'm kind of in love with you." He says quietly taking her hand in his.

"Well then, since I love you too, this won't be just fucking, you know that right?" Tris asks shakily.

He nods, "I know, I'm glad actually."

The next thing she knows his lips are pressing insistently against hers, his hands running along the sides of her thighs. It's new and familiar all at once. Nervously she pulls at his shirt, until it's lying on the ground. Their kisses become more feverish as he removes her shirt putting his hand on her breast "Is this okay?" he asks, to which she moans in response. Her lips bite and suck at his neck, knowing that it will leave a mark as she unzips his pants, trying to focus on how good this feels as he pants against her neck.

"I wanna try something, to make you feel good, ok?" Tobias asks, to which she timidly nods as he slips her pants off her long legs.

In what feels like a second the cool air hits her sex as her panties land on the floor, and then Tobias is pressing kisses down there.

It's as good as she imagined flying would feel, he grips her ass as his tongue enters her making her bite down on her hand to muffle a scream as to not give Rob and the others the satisfaction of knowing what exactly was happening.

Before she knows it his hand is there too, and it's too, too much. Lights seem to explode behind her eyelids as she tries in vain to muffle her moans and screams.

"Good, yeah?" Tobias asks, coming up to lay next to her, wiping what she assumes is her cum from his chin.

She giggles, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "Yeah, it was ok." She teases. His gaze changes from playful to intense as he looks at her "You're beautiful."

She shakes her head but her cheeks still flush at the compliment, she really isn't. She's scrawny and forgettable. But instead she says "You aren't too bad yourself."

Tobias' lips are against hers again, and she begins to pull down his boxers. This is it. Tonight they'll lose their virginity to each other. "Are you on-"

"Birth control, yes." she responds quickly as she pulls him back on top of her, but he pulls away laughing "I need to get the condom still."

Tris groans but leans back against the bed, not bothering to get under the covers. She looks at him, she's never really seen a guy's dick, and she isn't quite sure what to make of the fact that it soon will be inside her. It isn't exactly small after all. Tobias is more than a few inches taller than her as well.

"Ready?" he asks once he's put on the condom. She nods "Ready".

And then he's inside of her, the pain is momentary as he slides into her for the first time, but she is brave and she closes her eyes and hides the pain. Tobias grunts against her neck and it's not as bad when he moves in and out of her, before she knows it she is calling his name softly. Although she feels pleasure she is not as close as Tobias, who calls her name as he comes.

After he pulls out he gets her off with his fingers and they lay boneless beside one, as Tobias presses kisses to her throat as he murmurs again and again that he loves her. It feels cliché but she loves hearing the words.

She's glad it was with Tobias. They're each other's, and she takes a small comfort in knowing that this will in a way solidify the decision he makes tomorrow, regardless they both know he belongs in Dauntless.

"Even if it was a dare that was perfect" She murmurs, feeling Tobias' smile against her neck.

"Yeah, it was. But we should probably go, can't hide in here forever unfortunately." He mutters, getting off the bed to look for his boxers while she grabs her bra from where it hangs haphazardly on the bed frame.

A minute later they both exit the room once they're fully clothed. Thankfully no one is waiting by the door, but as they enter the main room wolf whistles erupt. Marlene stumbles over to Tris, while she searches the room for Caleb, who looks sick. "So how was it? I'm guessing it was good, at least judging by the sex hair." Marlene teases, causing Tris to quickly flatten her mused hair.

"It's Tobias, of course it was perfect, even if it was on a fucking dare." Tris says matter of factly, causing Tobias to chuckle and wrap his arm around her waist.

* * *

The next day Tobias' blood hits the black coals and Tris cheers the loudest of them all.


End file.
